As its my birthday soon I feel weird approaching it as most people put me at 4 years younger than I am sometimes 7 and never older than I really am. Its fun in a way as people expect you to be a little more immature and crazy, but then its hard to explain that I really am older than I am. Though as its a weird age where people are never sure how old you are and will normally ask you first when they first meet you. Everyone says I will be so much more grateful when I am 30 for looking young and cute, sometimes it feels like I am hiding without meaning to. I have always looked younger than I really have ever since starting school where people would tell me I didn’t look old enough to be in school.
After having grounded my project in a campaign last year I see this is a good way to work as it can clarify the main goals, and saying that I love to do everything for myself seems too egotistical and self obsessed like the world needs to be like me. So I am making a note of certain campaigns that could evolve into something, linked to products or art pieces that carry something strong within them.
Here is one...
I am sorting out all my design work from first to fourth year to see what if any projects I could take a little further as I need to sort out my thoughts and where I have come from and where I am heading. I sort of feel trapped at the moment like I need to really let some things go and I feel stuck like nothing is moving forward there is no past or future just the present time of the sameness. I am not sure if other people ever feel this way, I know that people don’t ever think or feel the things I do sometimes its sort of scary and completely crazy but I guess its something I can’t control. Sometimes there is no one to talk to as they can’t relate to the things I say. I love this quote I found long ago from a book called the the social self in the chapter titled challenge of differences.
‘The basis for understanding others is in the understanding of ourselves.’
Sometimes I wonder is it because I don’t understand my self so much that I struggle at times. I don’t know what I want half the time and are to indecisive. The worst I think of everything is that I know deep down inside myself is that I really do have and ability and creative mind to actually go somewhere and challenge thoughts ideas and the normality. This above everything sometimes scares me to paralysis where I cant move forward as I am to afraid to fail and loose all the faith that is inside me as I don’t know how to move forward after this.
Sometimes I wish I could turn of my ability to question myself so I could continue forward tune out all the voices of what are you doing, it doesn’t look like that. It gets to a point where I am to uncertain to decide and then just seem to stop everything.
I’ll post up my years as I finish of the things I like. I am hoping to blog at least twice a week and put up my thoughts on articles as I don’t want to become stale and loose what I have just spent all this time learning and know that every thing can be improved upon.
2010 will be a year of mistakes as it will also be a year of risks for me. There is a lot to think about and as my mood changes like the weather so to can my direction. I think that Industrial Design is about mistakes some good and some bad but it mainly to do with risk as it encompasses everything that is uncertain as we are talking about the future here.
So I am lost, unknown and different I will now look to design to save me in what ever way it can. I will look forward with defining my past and having a ground to stand on.
Well it’s the start of a new year one that’s going to be completely different from any other as I am out of school, well for the time being anyway as I hope to go back and learn Chinese. It feels a little depressing and annoying now that people have to constantly remind me that I should have already gotten a ‘real job’ and that I am now spending my life working part time in retail. It seems that we really are defined by jobs and incomes well in my family anyway.
I have written out a list of goals and plans of what I want to get out from the next six months to start my career or at least have as much as fun as possible and create some cool things. My first challenge (along with finding a real job) is to write and illustrate a children’s book not really a design project but something I have wanted to do for ages.
It’s a weird spot to be in as there are so many possibilities and a lot more pressure than when I last finished school as if I don’t use this degree in someway I have a huge debt for nothing, plus I can’t handle boring work that I can’t stand for to long. So I need a plan of action to keep my sanity going. It was nice to get an email from Soumitri as it feels like we aren’t just left stranded as it can take some time to construct the best image of ourselves that speaks and sells us to others.
Fingers crossed that this will be a good year. If it all gets to much though I am going to blow all my savings and just go for a big trip away from everything here, it’s the best way to find yourself just to get totally lost and let go of everything, from a few thousand kilometres away the world looks and feels different. I am feeling a lot of pressure to get somewhere from my family but at the same time its summer and it’s nice to be able to enjoy the sun and relax, who knows when I will have the chance to enjoy another summer? It seems that so many people want to live my life for me and I am doing everything wrong, or they would do it all different, I know its only going to get worse as time goes on.
Design Droplets wanted to do a small write up on some recent graduates and their work come and have a read and look at a few photos. Here is the link enjoy getting to know a bit more about my work and a bit more about me. I would like to thank Raph again for having me.
Well its all over and finished now, my time as a student is over so its time to plan out the next phase. I have feeling that now its going to take some time for my to find my path into design, but I am happy just spending time to find out what I really want to do. I am not sure if I am a career person I am certainly not driven by money as its only a means to an ends, I have witnessed people that value it to much so can’t be driven by it. I am only driven by passion. Its interesting to have reached the end as it still doesn’t feel like it. I have a few projects that I want to do over the summer within my free time, its not all design related but I am hoping it will fuel my creativity.