Where do I want to be?

This isn’t the sort of question that you have about where do you see yourself in 5 years time, what job do you see your self doing and what life goals I want to achieve as lets face it am I the same person I was 5 years ago? No not all I wouldn’t be able to even to begin to describe the changes. I am wanting something shorter term and also more relevant to my values and design sort of like what Mark has written up hear. It sounds so clear and concise two such words that are lacking within my life.

My last post sounded a bit downhearted as at the time I was and still am stressed out and lost as to what I want to achieve now, and when is the right time to start creating something solid so sort of plan. I always fail at them miserably, as who can plan the future?

A great example is last year when I was talking to Malte and I was lost as I had just made the decision to prolong my studies and extra year. He was telling my that life isn’t liner and that in many design schools they seek out older people as they have the capacity and knowledge to implement what they learn as a lot of skills needed just come with age and maturity and some wont even take people under 20.

At the time I though he was just saying stuff to make me feel a bit better and that it was a good decision (It was for me I think that’s when I realised there is such a thing as timing for oneself,) but I think it was much more meaningful. It was more that you can plan out and map out a perfect time for everything but life is unexpected and at times will completely through you off guard and the imperfectness, and challenges of these moments shape you as much as if you where on a linear track.

We can’t plan out everything and more often than not have to take the good with the bad, some situations are no reflection or comparison to how strong an individual is or how intelligent. We can’t time everything or have everything our way, and maybe when we get hold back or down in the end its for the best even if at the time we make not think so.

Sometimes its hard as I feel I am in sort of a transition stage where I only half know what I want from things, so I feel like if you can talk things out it can make things seem clearer or not as bad or long. I have lacked that as  from my family life anything bad is hidden and only the good submerges to the surface. So there is little conversations going on as you can only say so many good things, and it feels like a lie when half of you is hidden. So when ever I have meaningful conversions they are quite rare as there needs to be a certain amount of trust the other person is listing and understanding to what you are saying. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found so many people to talk to at RMIT most likely would have gone insane, who says that I am not any way.

As I only half know who I am myself I am really struggling to find some sort of purpose or reason to get out of bed. I want big things and to feel like I am part of something making changes no matter how small they are.

My design ideologies I would say would follow similar thinks to these points  these are in no relevant order and are no more important than the other they just are:

I value the hand made and well made. This is the choice of materials the quality which something has and the thought given to it. I think its has to do with evoking so many memories or thoughts at once. Everything as a texture or smell to it and I like the contrast between them so it tells a story, I think this only really happens with a combination of materials together. Even if its just fabric and cotton use to stitch it together when its handmade it tells a story.

I value a good form something which evokes a story, a poem and is captured in the head. Its like a brilliant piece of art in 3d, all functions are lost as it something you just gaze at and get lost within.

I value a good drawing as it should bring in ideas from else where and it can be challenged with another drawing. I have a deep love for children’s books as there illustrations tell stories without words this is a good drawing, communicating without words.

I value good research as this can clear away all assumptions and leave you with honest answers.

Finally (well for now anyway as its long past my bedtime) I think that everything we create should be meaningful in some way. I mean meaningful as its for filling an emotional way. Not in a vain emotional way where but a real one where you are most likely to keep the object or cherish memories of it. Or it can be meaningful as its part of a larger system which people rely upon and there is a real purpose behind it. Meaningful objects are much harder to accumulate as they are harder to find.

I am sure I will come back to this as everything is still pretty much unanswered but I need time to think.

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