Chasing Dreams

I like the folds in this and how there are two colours coming through. I am stuck as to what I want to or am able to do next year, as I had a critical realisation I am not one to sit around  and just wait for thing to happen and I wont be satisfied of working a job just to bring in money for more then 6 months without falling into a pit where everything becomes so repetitive and meaningless. I find it hard to get motivated by money and would rather spend my time doing something I love. Although money can bring me things I like as I plan to do a bit more traveling and its a necessity if I think I have to work to hard for it I would rather work less.

Brittany who graduated a few years back is in much the same place as she needs the money to buy her materials and keep a roof over her head  and a place for her studio but is dissatisfied with her current job as it bring her no new stimulation. Though she has the talent to keep on going and is now producing amazing pieces.

I am fine as long as I can bring out something stimulating for a job or feel like I am living at the same time not tuning out from work life just to get through it. My plan B which seems to me getting more likely is to take time away from Australia and go to China, though in class Brittany mentioned taking an internship in Hong Kong that sounds like something I am interested in. I am getting so stressed about finding something for next year as I know whatever I do there is going to be little support from my family, as its just they way they are they don’t really care all that much one way or the other, so its sort of once you leave that door is closed and I don’t want to see you back unless your really sick and dying. Fair enough there comes an age where your to old for certain things that a family can give you.

After Nick went off and taught English in China I knew that can be part of my back up plans, and I am beginning to think that maybe I might be interested in teaching design further down the track, though I want to get some experience behind me before I do it long term. I think its because I have a deep passion about design, and see as long as I stay with other motivated and passionate people I will be safe. My biggest fear of next year is loosing my passion again  as last time I ended up loosing such a big part of myself I became empty. I know it can easily happen again so I have to be aware of it as you don’t know whats happened until you are dragged down. You just need to let a few things slide and that’s it you are under.

I am wanting my first year out to bring me good things as it would have made all my time at university studying and sacrificingmy time  and energy more worth while, if it isn’t I just can’t be bothered chasing after my dreams and I am to willing to compromise and let them die. I am sick of chasing happiness and feel that it should come more easily and naturally, so I am at the point of taking the easy path and just letting paths run as they should be and not want to carve out something different for myself. If I was asked in third year where I think I would end up I would be far more optimistic but I am now older and need to start building my own sturdy platform to stand upon, additional risks will only rock the foundations.

I have only really had one dream and I have chased it right down and almost seen it to the end and that was this course, now I need a new dream to follow but have no energy to push it forwards, I think that’s because at the same time I am pushing forward my studies so I can achieve good things this semseter.  I am reluctantly approaching the end now and know that I will be own my own next year and choice will have to come from me without any guidance, only the people who I have networked into. I don’t really believe that the lectures will be there for us next year, as they are always far to busy so now is the time to seize the opportunity but what is it that I am wanting, what will be my new dream to chase? Will I have something left inside to chase it down or is it time to grow up and stop dreaming and join the real world of responsibilities, work and what life is left remaining.

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