Being self critical

This week has been far less productive than I had hopped as per usual I wanted heaps of breakthroughs so I was back into the safe zone and wasn’t sitting here going what am I going to end up with who knows maybe I will have nothing to show and run out of time, as the project feels as its sitting on the edge of being a total nightmare or a fantastic breakthrough. Instead I have socialised more than I though seeing it a week off, and this time last year I was in NZ hitting the ski slopes I thought why not, I plan to be more focused after a little breather and de-stress myself.

I hit a bad point mid week and had frozen in complete panic not trusting myself I knew anything about design and then fell apart. This is mostly because last year was such a total nightmare I am afraid that I will do a full circle and end up repeating what happened. I don’t know how to find all that confidence again and without it I am being so critical I am left wondering what I can actually do, I don’t know how to change this mind frame and am very concerned that if a repeat of last year happens I’ll leave design for good and not be left with the desire to achieve anything.

I am taking a break so I can come back with a new mind set of I am here to learn this means to make mistakes, succeed or fail I am always learning and moving forward, this was how I thought and acted from first to third year. Now I am faced with an uncertain path as if I fail what will happen I can’t return back as I have no desire to come back again, if I end up with something I hate and consider a failure I don’t want to show others, talk about it or it will line me up down a path I don’t wish to follow.

It reached a point that I couldn’t sit down and finish off my business plan so I am sitting here stumped as I don’t know how to fix it so its only half done, not sure if I can make it through my list as I feel the quality of my work has deteriorated back to about second years work who only half knows things an still has only half the skills learnt, not someone half way through their final semester.I feel I am starting to obsessive to much ans losing focus on any small goals, or the idea I’ll do a quick draft and come back to it later. I am not sure how to overcome this at the moment right now I am taking a break, and will start back again tomorrow with a change of mind, (hopefully) not sure if anyone else feels like this or not as I am so unfocused and all over the place.

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