Getting older but not smarter?

This is a follow on from yesterday’s post that I was to tired to write. Firstly though a nice little sentence, ‘Don’t undertake a project unless it’s manifestly important and nearly impossible.’

It seems I have moved on dramatically from last year, I finally feel separated from it which it is good it was full of mostly bad things that where not positive at all and have been holding me back, it seems the bad stuff sticks to you far longer than the good stuff, maybe as its much harder to shake off.

Yesterday was stressful as I was trying to sort out next year and figure out a strong direction, as soon as I finish this course I have to move on into the “real world” what ever that may mean. I am not one to just sit around and wait for the future to happen, I feel as though I have worked hard during this course and hope with my determination can actually take what I have learnt and apply it successfully without the need of doing a job I hate.

Sometimes I forget to acknowledge how far I have come, and what its taken to get here. Its not easy as the path I set out has been challenging deliberately as I go to university to learn  not to cruse on the skills I already have, (talking with Soumitri made me realise this again as I felt nervous and scared as I haven’t approached a design project in this way, any way more on that later.)

I have come further than others and I like to think I have built the skills necessary for critical self assessment and  self learning, this mean if I am handed any project I know to turn to for advice, networked in with other designers, what I need to know and understand for the project. I think is crucial as design is never stationary and if you really want to be a leader you need to create new ideas and always be heading forward  into new territory. There is the other type of designers who just follow close behind waiting and jumping at the moment if this moment ever comes around.

I believe that I am a passionate person and with this passion I can get through the harder times and still have confidence to make it through anything. Within the last year and a half my passion has disappeared this has meant I have questioned my own abilities to do design and create and be truly successful.   I fear that if this is still the case at the end of the year I will not enter with the confidence needed to challenge myself and go for the unknown and may just fall into the trap of doing what I know and underachieving what I can do.

If all my plans so far don’t work out I hope I can still stick with what I love doing  and not get discouraged. At times I feel so young as I don’t really have any thing behind me, I have no business skills, and still need to improve on my design skills. At times people with more life skills more time to practice general life skills and reached a point where they know what they want from life. This is still something I am figuring out the only thing I truly know I want is to include design within my daily life and outlook. Its part of the way I think now and what motivates me to start my day.

Sometimes it seems though I keep on reaching a point where I feel I can learn no more this is a feeling though that I am reaching the end of the course now and have run out of time to play and experiment. I know there is so much more to learn but now my time has run out.

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