I was reading through some of my feeds and found this…
“He spoke about the need for play, the need to experiment and create through design- not simply designing for a proposed outcome or for a client.Isn’t that this exactly what got us interested in design in the first place? I guess over time we have been so consumed in the ‘business’ of our industry that we forgot where we came from and where we should be going.”
It made me realise what I am missing with my designs I am so caught up trying to become a professional trying archive high goals that I have lost focus of my passion and reasons why I came hear to design. It was never for the job it was for the love of creating things delving into the unknown. I am so trapped inside my life at the moment I can no longer feel the freedom I once held so close to me, the way I could end up being so lost I didn’t know where I was but it didn’t matter as being lost was the funnest thing in the world.
I don’t know how to get it back without the time to relax and play, as when it left so did to my love and passion for design. So did too my love and zest for life I just lie here waiting for its return so I can continue on having fun, but its gone I thought it came back on Monday but I was terribly wrong. I don’t know how I can make it through to the end of semester with it missing I know without it all I feel is regretful and stupid. I have lost my design soul and need it back before its to late.
Everything seems to be about money these days and I know next year I wont have a home to go to, the doors are closing and I will have to provide for myself, and when those doors close there is no returning through them, where ever I go I will be alone if my design career falls flat I need something else to support myself or I will end up homeless in a ditch somewhere all I wanted was to be loved unconditionally and all I got was an empty hole, a void of nothing, don’t be young and naive, life is not a fairytale, you can not get what you desire, when you fall the world watches and waits, as you stand they wait for you to fall.
I no longer have many reasons to stay without my design soul I have nothing left inside, it is who I am and what I need I am still looking for you please come back soon.