This is still a question that pops into my head every now and then… I guess its hard as its so diverse and we all like to box different categories into it. I remembered that I had written about what I thought design was a long time ago.
“I don’t think that I have quite come do a definite definition for me what design is, and it seems to change slightly every day. But when Soumitri said ‘Design is what Designers do’, it got me thinking. Well maybe we make what design is, by questioning and discovering what is out there in the world, and that there are different theories out there, like the one that we are all fed before we start the course, when we visit all the unis and talk about what we do in the course and where it all leads to. It sounds so simple and for me that theory seemed to revolve a lot about redesign and objects, it seems that this is a very narrow view but it still seems that people seem to view this as the design world.”
Now as I am in my last semester about to become a ‘Professional’ designer as I will have a piece of paper to hold in my hand what I can do that I have a Bachelor of Design, its time to have a quick recap about my views and position as a designer as I think this may help me see where I might start nest year or potentially end up later down the track.
Within the current economy it seems we are less valued so there are fewer jobs out there as there is less money being invested, but design has never really been about a job for me, sure its beneficial as you need it to live and pay for rent but its sort of a bonus. Design for me is something within a character or individual, not a profession or even something exclusive it is much like creativity those people who pursue it end up bound to it. When Soumitri first said ‘Design is what designers do’ back in the corporation game studio I saw the person as separate from design now I know and understand this is not the case at all. It’s a strong passion and desire to create, inform and bring something to this world that an individual sees as important, and there are many needs for what ever this may be.
Design can never be easily defined as it’s essentially about communication, something that is quite essential as human beings and carried out endlessly within our days. To make it as a designer in my vision is to be paid for what I do, though this has changed to in recently and how has become more to do with inspiring/engaging through my work. Without this level I can not sustain the motivation or passion as it’s not solely for me. I have seen this idea in my head and have imagined it already if there is no spark from other its time to move on.
I find though it’s harder to inspire and engage others more as the feedback I listen to has also changed, as I see what I create now as something which is more final, within my early years there is room to trail out an idea make mistake and test things as I had little knowledge to making something that can tick all the boxes so it’s all experimentation. I have also become more critical on design now along with being more informed, I have seen and studied design in other countries. Enduring (and still enduring) bad relationships has also taken much of my desire to fight and question things as once as I once passionately did, I strive for more perfectionism and less mistakes though in the past it has been with my bigger mistakes the most learning has taken place.
I am to scared to take risks and be laughed at and humiliated in front of my peers, as I feel I should have reached a certain level and style, and I am afraid that what I will end up to start my design career is something of little worth. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the designer I was two years ago who may not have had the intelligence but had the determination/passion.
Design can mean many things to different people, to some its all about redesign improvement or innovation with products to improve our lives. The context changes with what we define as an improvement and to who’s life we are improving. We often group ourselves towards people who are the same thinkers as ourselves to make this easier as there is nothing worse when some one doesn’t understand you and the way you think/personality at all. Little designs infiltrate people lives daily ones individual obsessions/beliefs will help to determine what objects and activities we will surround ourselves with.
I am at a point where I am getting tired of my own beliefs, personality and obsessions as I feel they are holding me back. I am not sure if I have a determined path that my personality and beliefs are guiding me down and if this is a safe route to define a stable career. Sometimes the path seems so lonely that I can’t move forward, or it seems so outside to everyone else. I am not sure if I am where I want to be so I am standing frozen still looking for answers and guidance. I am slowly loosing faith that I will end up somewhere where I am happy or somewhere where I have been forced down.
I am sorry to anyone who has read this rambling post, but I realise I am stuck as I am not sure to trust the own practice which I am working in/creating as I can not trust I will end up happy and where I want to be or looking back to a long line of missed opportunities.